Heat the oven and prep the pan: Heat the oven to 350°F and butter a 9x13 baking dish. Put the dry bread cubes in your largest mixing bowl.

Cook the celery and onion: Melt 8 tablespoons of the butter in a large skillet over medium heat. Add the onions and celery and cook for 10-12 minutes, stirring now and then, until they're soft and translucent with no crunch left.

Add the garlic and herbs: Stir in the garlic, sage, and thyme and cook 1 minute more, until you can smell the sage. Scrape the whole skillet, butter and all, over the bread cubes.

Toss with the seasoning: Add the parsley, salt, and pepper and toss with your hands or two big spoons until the vegetables are spread through the bread.

Add the broth and eggs: Whisk the chicken broth and beaten eggs together, then pour it over the bread in three additions, folding gently after each one. Stop when every cube is damp through and nothing is pooling at the bottom. Let it sit 5 minutes so the bread drinks it in.

Bake covered: Spread the mixture in the buttered dish without packing it down. Cut the remaining 4 tablespoons of butter into small pieces and dot them over the top. Cover tightly with foil and bake for 30 minutes.

Bake uncovered: Pull the foil off and bake 20-25 minutes more, until the top is deep golden with crisp edges and the center reads 165°F on an instant-read thermometer.

Rest and serve: Let it stand 10 minutes before serving so the center firms up enough to scoop cleanly.